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i'm broken

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[02 Apr 2006|06:02pm]
First with your hands and then with your mouth
A downpour of sweat, damp cotton clouds
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen
You took off your clothes, left on the light
You stood there so brave
You used to be shy
Each feature improved, each movement refined and eyes like a showroom
Now they are spreading out the blankets on the beach
That weatherman is a liar
He said it would be raining but it is clear and blue as far as I can see

Left by the lamp, right next to the bed,
on a cartoon cat pad I scratched with a pen,
"Everything is as it's always been.
This never happened.
Don't take it too bad it is nothing you did.
It's just once something dies you can't make it live.
You are a beautiful boy.
You're a sweet little kid but I am a woman."

Since then I've been so good at vanishing

Now I do as I please and lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap but I just feel free...
and a little bit empty
No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There will be no arguments
We will always agree
And I'll try and be kind when I ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy
But if you stay too long inside my memory,
I will trap you in a song tied to a melody
and I will keep you there so you can't bother me
i'm bad news

[15 Mar 2005|05:26pm]
i'm bad news

[10 Mar 2005|10:52pm]
there's a million reasons why i cry
hold my covers tight
and close my eyes
i don't wanna be alone
3 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

[04 Mar 2005|02:38pm]
i am only kidding myself.
1 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

i guess this is growing up... [02 Mar 2005|11:48pm]
[ mood | moody ]

i finally got the damn internet in my apartment. w00t.

as promised here are some pictures to make everyone jealous. and by as promised, i mean like 10 million years ago i said i would do this.

be jealousCollapse )

20 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

the only boy who ever gave me the time is the one who only wanted 5 minutes of mine... [24 Feb 2005|11:05pm]
i dont think i am very good at a lot of things. i suck at making friends. i guess that i only have ever met people through other people. so now my life will consist of me, myself, and i. i also cant meet boys. i am too fucking shy. and when i finally do talk to one they fucking blow me off. i forgot that phones where only a one way conversation. i guess i'll never be at the receiving end.

and if you are one of the only friends i have now and would like to dye/cut my hair i would appreciate it. because my asshole friend wont call me back. i just need a small haircut and the underneath of my hair bleached. i will make you cookies if you so desire or maybe some red velvet cake because i think i am going to make one soon.

well atleast i can just look on the brightside considering i am mrs. brightside.
4 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

you make me want to la la... [20 Feb 2005|10:10pm]
so i havent updated in awhile. i am home right now. i am returning to school tomorrow. classes are okay. i like some of them and those being the ones for my major which is good. i do not like walking to class in the cold though. how i miss florida. speaking of florida i am buying my ticket tomorrow morning hopefully. my mommy said she would pay for it if i didnt buy anything like clothes, shoes, cds, etc. until then. that is going to be hard. i had ten wet seal bucks so today i bought a blazer that makes me look super skinny and a black halter that makes me look super hot. the blazer cost me 11 dollars, the halter 4. i think that is a deal. i dont like money i wish everything was free. i really want internet in my apartment but it is so expensive. i mean we need a phone line too so the internet would work. but i am completely retarded when it comes to bills and stuff so i really need help with phone lines and internerd companies. if anyone knows of cheap phone and internet service let me know. i will bake you a cake or maybe some cookies. i wanted to bring the boys that live next to me cookies because then i could meet them and a few of them are cute but i didnt bring them cookies. i love boys. i think that is what my life revolves around. however i have found some disturbing information about hot topic boy aka hot box! he apparently pretends he's shy so girls like him and he is really a jerk and sexaholic. well i think i might just play a game with him if i ever see him again. he probably hates me. wish me luck! or dont.
3 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

i'm mrs brightside... [09 Feb 2005|12:30am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

so i just wrote this entire fucking entry and my gay ass computer deleted it. fuck you mr computer.

so anyways i registered for classes and because of stupid fashion/retail people i have to have a friday class. that sucks. however i dont have a monday class so that is okay. cause i hate mondays.

monday: no class!!
tuesday: intro to management 12-2:50, philosophy 5-6:15
wednesday: intro to anthropology 3:30-6:20
thursday: writing for managers 12-2:50, philosophy 5-6:15
friday: intro to marketing the arts 12-2:50

atleast the earliest i start is 12 which is nice and i dont start until 3:30 on wednesday which is awesome. i have to go downtown tomorrow, well technically today, for my second part of orientation. i really dont want to go because i am lazy. it will probably be very boring too. oh well.

i want to get a job at the wet seal on state street or at water tower place because it would be easy and i would have money. and hopefully not spend it on clothes but on books and food.

i got housing at columbia as well. i am living at plymouth court. which everyone probably knows this because no one reads this thing anyway. so this entry is probably worthless. but anyway i am excited to move downtown and live in an apartment but i am worried my roommates wont like me and i will not make any friends like at clc. i am such a fucking loser.

well if you read this whole thing i am sorry i just wasted the last three minutes of your life. i am going to sleep now though because i am tired and still have a lot of packing/shopping to do. goodnight.

2 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

will you stay like this forever... [22 Jan 2005|07:06pm]
i have orientation on thursday at columbia. i finally will be able to register for classes. this is how i hope it will turn out.

monday - 10-11:50 Accounting 1
tuesday - 12-2:50 Intro to Management, 5-6:15 Philosophy 1
wednesday - 10-11:50 Accounting 1, 12:30-3:20 Intro to Literature
thursday - 12-2:50 Writing for Managers, 5-6:15 Philosophy 1
friday - NO CLASS!!! yay!

hopefully it will work out that way. i will be happy. even if i have to commute it wont be that bad. especially because there will be no friday classes!!

in other news, i have had the flu since tuesday. well i got over it yesterday/today but my mother didnt want me to work i am upset. i have missed 22 hours of work this week. that is 154 dollars i could have earned. this sucks.

i hope everyone is having a wonderful life.
6 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

everybody needs a little devastation... [16 Jan 2005|09:46pm]
this is killing me.



_i'm mrs. brightside.
i'm bad news

[11 Jan 2005|09:46am]
i have the worst luck in the world. one bad thing just leads to another which will then make my day terrible. that then leads to a terrible week to a terrible month to a terrible year. and sometimes it just shows i have a terrible life.

i hate this.
i'm bad news

fuck this... [08 Jan 2005|11:39pm]
i can not wait to start over.
i am so tired of all this bullshit.
i'm bad news

... [05 Jan 2005|02:38pm]
bread knucklesCollapse )
4 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

i guess we can all hope that this year will be better than last year... [01 Jan 2005|03:32pm]
what you waitin' for?Collapse )
2 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

[29 Dec 2004|11:40am]
You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this right of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.
i'm bad news

you know that i love you... [26 Dec 2004|11:31pm]
i think i finally had a good christmas. i got everything i wanted and didnt get in any fights with my famliy.

be jealous. this is what i got.
-digital camera
-curious by britney spears (i love smelling like britney)
-harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban DVD
-JamisonParker CD
-starbucks card (though i would have preferred caribou)
-a new coat
-chai tea from starbucks
-Move Over, Darling!!! (the best movie ever!!)
5 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

merry christmas, i could care less... [23 Dec 2004|11:45am]
i fucking hate the christmas season. it is not happy. it is just depressing to all those single and lonely people. it makes you feel like shit. i hate it.

who wants to get drunk with me so we can forget all our problems and dissapointments?
3 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

i want to hate you so bad... [20 Dec 2004|01:36pm]
i am no longer engaged. i know its so sad.

but what is really sad is that i worked until 5 o'clock this morning. i started at 7 pm last night. that is 10 hours. i also work 11-3 earlier yesterday. that is sad. i then preceded to wake up at 10 to take my sister to glenview or glenbrook whichever it was. i have to work from 4 to close tonight. i got five hours of sleep last night. yet i still want to go out tonight. that is sad. i guess i am just a sad person. sad sad sad sad sad. call me if you love me or want to hang out.

i'm bad news

... [18 Dec 2004|12:06am]
i wish i meant the world to someone.
1 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

fuck this... [11 Dec 2004|11:06pm]
tonight i'd rather be in love

i am sick of being lonely.
i am sick of having no friends.
i am sick of working.
i am sick of school.
i am sick of not sleeping.
i am sick of calling everyone.

why cant people call you when you want to hang out. they always say lets hang out. then get mad when you dont call them. well maybe you should call me.
tonight i'd rather be in love then in this shit hole. why am i so heartbroken. i am so pathetic. how much of a fucking loser am i.
3 agreesagree | | | i'm bad news

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